Loved, Hated, and Finally Let Go— After Learning from H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, I Chose Compassion
One day in 2006, I suddenly received a phone call from an unfamiliar woman. Her voice was loud and direct:
“Are you so-and-so, my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend?”
What?! How did I become my own husband’s ex-girlfriend? I was completely confused.
The woman didn’t give me a chance to speak. She continued sharply:
“I’m six months pregnant. Stop clinging to my man!”
Oh no! Could this be true? Was this what my husband—the man who always claimed to love me—had done?
The sudden news struck me like a bolt of lightning on a clear day.
Recalling the life I shared with my husband, everything was still vivid in my mind. Back in the year 2000, despite strong opposition from my parents, classmates, and colleagues, I married him. Two years later, we had a child.
At that time, I worked at a state-owned enterprise with a stable income and had even been allocated a housing unit. He, on the other hand, came from a rural background and was unemployed. But he treated me very well—he took care of all the household chores and our baby. On the day our child was born, he surprised me by announcing he had passed the national tour guide exam, saying he wanted to take me around the country in the future. He expressed his love through real actions. I was deeply moved.
In 2002, he wanted to start his own company. He said working for others had no future, but running his own business, though hard, would be meaningful. I thought, a man with a career would be more confident. Plus, I wanted to prove to everyone—especially those who doubted him—that I hadn’t made a mistake. Considering all he had done for me, I decided to support him.
I took out a bank loan of 50,000 dollars and mortgaged my property to raise a total of 100,000 dollars for his business startup.
He worked extremely hard. Even when busy, he’d call me every day. At the end of that year, he handed me several thousand dollars, saying:
“Your husband won’t let you down.”
At the time, I loved him deeply—I was swimming in a sea of happiness. I thought, “I chose the right man. A happy life is ahead.”
Starting in 2003, my husband moved to Shanxi for business while I stayed in Hunan, raising our child and working. He would only come home for Chinese New Year each year. Though he was away, I didn’t worry much. I rarely called him, thinking he must be busy with clients.
But just four years later, my nightmare began. He had racked up debts of hundreds of thousands of dollars and—worse—he had a mistress and a child outside. The financial loss wasn’t the worst part—money can be earned again. What broke me was that he had started another family behind my back.
The cruelest part? That woman called me claiming I was the “third party” and told me to stay away from “her man.” She and her sister even took turns harassing me with phone calls. I felt like a total fool—living as if I were the home-wrecker in this story. I was devastated, emotionally shattered, yet I had no one to confide in. I urged him to return home, and we quickly divorced. I even paid off the 100,000 dollars in loans he had taken for his failed business.
I had given everything to this marriage. I hated myself for being blind and not listening to my parents’ and friends’ warnings. I had fought for this man, raised money for him, and now I was left with nothing—not even dignity. I swore I would never forgive him. But the bitterness inside me had nowhere to go. I didn’t have the courage to tell my parents, fearing scolding. I couldn’t tell friends either, fearing ridicule. Every New Year, I didn’t dare return home. The pain was unbearable.
This suffering led me to Buddhism. As I studied, I slowly realized that all of this was karma—bitter fruit from the negative seeds I had planted in the past. Fellow Buddhist practitioners guided and encouraged me. So after the divorce, I didn’t hold much resentment. In fact, I even helped him again when he was in trouble.
I remember once, his child with his second wife was sick, and they had no money for treatment. He had tried borrowing from everyone and failed. As a last resort, he called me.
I pitied the child—after all, this was adult drama; a child shouldn’t suffer. So I lent him the money.
I asked him:
“You hurt me and our daughter—why would you think I’d help you?”
He replied confidently:
“Yes, I hurt you. But I know you’ll still help me.”
After marrying his second wife, his business thrived for a while. They drove luxury cars and lived in style. But things didn’t last. His wife made poor investments and lost a lot of money. Then his own business started failing. Eventually, they lost everything and divorced. He now lives a life of hiding, and recently even approached our daughter to borrow money.
Today, I study Buddhism and am fortunate to listen to the Dharma discourses of Namo Dorje Chang Buddha III. I’ve come to understand the workings of karma.
“All present suffering arises from the bad karma I created in the beginningless past. These are my own debts being repaid, not misfortunes caused by others.”
When a person harms another, they must face retribution. That is the law of karma. The complicated entanglement between my ex-husband, his second wife, and me—isn’t it all the result of our past negative actions?
Every encounter in this life, whether good or bad, is a karmic connection. Once I understood that, the hatred in my heart dissolved. My ex-husband may have hurt me, but he is still family. He once loved me deeply. For that, I should feel gratitude and offer help.
But how could I truly help him?
Yes! The best way to escape suffering is to lead him to Buddhism!
So I did just that. I called him and said:
“Practicing Buddhism can transform karma, build fortune, and change your life. If you want things to get better, study the Dharma with me…”
He was touched by my kindness and sincerity. I could hear the gratitude and trust through the phone.
In that moment, I saw hope.
Written by: Min’er
Edited by: An Ran
Learn more about H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III
Loved, Hated, and Finally Let Go—After Learning from H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, I Chose Compassion
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頂禮 H.H. 第三世多杰羌佛-- 正教 